Disclaimer: The writer of this news story, does not claim any responsibility of its factual correctness, and all blame should go to the reader of the post, whether they want to trust it or not…
The government today announced that the office of President of Nepal will be outsourced to India as of March 29th‚ 2010 (coinciding intentionally with birthday of yours truly).
The statement said that the move is being made in order to save the president’s salary‚ and also a result of billions of rupees in deficit expenditures, mostly managed coolly by the ever-donating-to-the-party-cadres Prime Minister, and other non-related overhead that the PMO and ministerial cabinet has incurred during meetings held over past 6 months, on how to save the government in case Mr. Koirala restarts adoring his daughter.
“We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge‚” stated the Finance Minister, who’s also considering getting an Indian voter’s card with new-learnt tricks of govern-minting. “We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay‚” Mr. Minister.
President Yadav, who went to India today itself, to meet a horde of other Yadavs, in a non-family reunion, was informed by email this morning of his termination. According to a higly-placed source, who shall here remain nameless and would have remained jobless – if he did not have right political contacts, preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Surinder Singh‚ who’s a tele-operator for some non-descript call center in Mumbai, or maybe some other city, in India‚ will assume the office of President. Mr. Singh was born in Nepal, while his Indian parents were vacationing at Davies’ Falls‚ in Pokhara‚ and fell to the temptation of increasing the family size there itself. According to the yet-to-be formulated citizenship law, his birth roots, and not dental, makes him eligible for the position. Mr. Singh shall be working from his call center itself, in Mumbai or wherever he is, and would not be occupying the Presidential Palace near a hospital.
However, he will receive a salary of NRs. 1500 a month‚ but of course perk involving covering the entire Nepali capital in a never ending traffic jam and security personnel running around to make him feel good at all times, even when he’s teleconferencing with the Indian political leaders. Government has said that it would also help on reducing the ever increasing phone bills of the Nepal government, which are imperative since ministers can’t function without the orders from the other side of the border.
Mr. Singh issued a statement, moments ahead of his nomination saying he always wanted to be a president, ever since he lost an election of his mohalla (‘tole’ in Nepali) teen club in his earlier days. His statement, symbolically written, read : “WTF!!!”
In a telephone conversation with yours truly, he said that the time difference in both the countries, that of 15 minutes, will help him work for both the institutions, that of Nepal government, and his call center. However, yours truly suspected he was talking about the difference of 57 years in Nepali Calender and the Global Calender.
Another highly placed source, similar to that of the previous one, told yours truly that Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in heading the federal state of Nepal, that should not be a problem as none of the other heads of state we had had ever been familiar with the issues either.
Meanwhile, the move has unilaterally been welcomed by the opposition party, namely the Maoists, headed by Mr. Fierce One, or Mr. Awesome, whichever scares you. Their single line welcome statement read: “We always supported the notion of President heading the government as well as state, the full executive President. Since he’s from India, we won’t have doubts or any problems negotiating with him.”
In a separate development, sources close to the President-in-transition-or-in-translation informed that Mr. Yadav has been reported to be seeking consultancy from some company sending people to Qatar for work in some under paying company or a water-free ride to desert to take care of camels, whichever finds them first.